What happened to taking Flintstone’s vitamins?

Toronto Star

TORONTO— It isn’t too often that I write about travesties in a league but this article is one of those. I’m forced to write this after finding out the secret world of one Wichita Lineman. DH Darron Fine was recently tested and tested positive for steroids. Which made me ask one question. What happened to the good old days when kids everywhere ingested Flintstone’s vitamins to gain strength?

The suspension of Fine caused a blemish to the BPLA’s great image. That’s why I’d like to congratulate the league for suspending Mr. Fine for his vile activity. What makes this sad story even sadder is the fact that Mr. Fine wasn’t fine. He outright sucked. I mean if I was popping steroids like Tic-Tacs I can guarantee I’d be producing MVP type numbers. Mr. Fine wasn’t even on pace for that great of a season. Let’s take a closer look at his numbers to prove my point that Fine is a horrendous player. He was hitting .271, with 11 homeruns and 41 runs batted in. Those aren’t numbers a steroid addict should be producing. He should have had number like these .303 batting average, at least 50 homeruns and at least be on pace to drive in 120 runs. The thing that makes me laugh is imagining what Fine’s numbers would look like if he hadn’t been taking steroids. I mean come on Mr. Fine I know little leaguers that have better numbers then you do. The only things they pop in their mouths are Flintstone’s vitamins. I hope Fine realizes that he let his teammates down, his family down, and even the children, who I have no idea why, look up to him. He should thank BPLA commissioner, Ritch King, for allowing him to take a retest on August 1^st of 2005. If I were the commissioner I wouldn’t let Fine near any baseball league let alone the BPLA. Before I get mad and start trash talking I’m going to offer other players like Mr. Fine some advice.

First and foremost read my article and start taking Flintstone’s tablets. They are safe and are sold over the counter. They will give you the strength you need to produce better numbers then you are currently producing and for Fine that shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish. The best part about Flintstone’s tablets are; that they are perfectly legal and can’t get you suspended. Secondly, if you must take steroids take a fake steroid like Androsteindione. I mean Mark McGwire took it and he hit 70 plus homeruns that season. However, I don’t promote the use of Andro because it caused a lot of problems throughout baseball and put an asterisk next to McGwire’s name. Finally, you can take the Barry Bonds route and just work out at the gym. Pump iron and you’ll get the results you need to hit massive homeruns. In addition, please, please, please don’t take anabolic steroids and hit numbers that are the epidemy of mediocrity. If you do that then I’ll have no choice but to make fun of you. I hope all you juice-bags learn a lesson from Fine’s story of shame and earn your keep the hard way like the rest of the BPLA’s players do. That way is referred to as “hard work.” Don’t take performance-enhancing drugs to tarnish the reputation of yourself and more importantly the league.

Hopefully the rest of the players of the BPLA aren’t cheaters like Fine and play the game fairly. I’d hate to have to write another article degrading one of the BPLA’s players. I’m warning you that when I get angry, I get angry. So please don’t put me in that position because I’d hate to harass you for the rest of your lives. However, I’ll have no choice because I hate cheaters and cheaters take away from the leagues credibility. It’s too bad I’ll never be able to hear from Mr. Fine. He’s probably sitting at home curled up in a corner ashamed of himself.

Moe

If Darron Fine wants to comment on this he can reach me at smoothe_sack@hotmail.com or on AIM at KidKala.